Practicing Verbal Restraint

Have you ever been in a conversation when you know you've said too much?  How did you reach that conclusion?  Rarely will someone just tell you to zip your lip, be quiet or shut up.  Maybe you reached that conclusion based on some non-verbal cues you saw from your listeners indicating that maybe you've talked too much.  You noticed their fidgeting, or the glazed over look in their eyes, or you've seen them scratching or rubbing the back of their neck, or you've seen them looking away, or noticed they frequently interrupted you, or maybe their "uh-huh" answers were an indication to you that they were just trying to speed up the conversation, so you could get to the point and shut up.

I'm sure most of us have been guilty at one time or another knowing we've talked or said too much.  A familiar quote attributed to Abraham Lincoln says, "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt."  The problem with saying too much is that it increases the likelihood of saying something hurtful, critical, slanderous or destructive about someone else.  Words are powerful.  The childhood saying, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," is so far from the truth.  Words can and do hurt.  Words can divide families, friends and fellow workers.  Words can destroy relationships.  Words can destroy your integrity.  

As I worked my way through the Book of Proverbs and developed the list of upcoming blog topics that I would like to share over the coming weeks, I was amazed at how much this Book had to say about this particular subject.  There were far more verses dealing with this subject than any other subject.  Do you think it might be something that we take a closer look at?

Consider the following verses.

Proverbs 10:14, "Wise people store up knowledge, but the mouth of the foolish is near destruction."

Proverbs 10:18-19, "Whoever hides hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool.  In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise."

Proverbs 13:3, "He who guards his mouth preserves his life, but he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction."

Proverbs 17:27-28, "He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.  Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; when he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive."

Proverbs 20:3, "It is honorable for a man to stop striving, since any fool can start a quarrel."

Proverbs 21:23, "Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles."

I could have given several more.  I think these convey the point extremely well.  Those who consider themselves ethical in business and in life must learn how to practice verbal restraint.  Do you think that is a fair assumption? 

The verses above contrast the wise person from the foolish person with regards to practicing verbal restraint.  The wise person stores up knowledge, restrains his lips, guards his mouth, spares his words, stops striving and guards his tongue.  What is the result?  He "keeps his soul from troubles."  The mouth of a foolish person is described as near destruction, hides hatred, spreads slander, can't keep his mouth shut, talks too much and starts quarrels. 

Is it easy to practice verbal restraint?  Absolutely not!  Why then is it so hard?  Why do our words often cause so much harm and hurt, especially with the people we love the most? To better understand this dilemma, consider these thoughts from the New Testament Book of James.  The writer of James describes the tongue as something that no man can tame, that it is an unruly evil, that it is full of deadly poison.  Ouch!  That's not a very glamorous picture is it?  He compares the tongue to the rudder on a vast ship.  The ship however large it might be can be turned by the movements/actions of its very small rudder, just like the tongue can control us.  He goes on to say that with our tongues, we bless God and curse men, often at the same time.  He even says a person's outward demonstration of their religion is worthless if they cannot control their tongues.  Does this leave us without hope?  Again I say, absolutely not!

The pilot of a ship is the one that controls the rudder.  "No man" can tame the tongue, but God can.  When we allow Him to pilot our ship, He can help us control our tongues.  He is the One that can teach us how to practice verbal restraint. 

I realize not everyone reading this blog believes in having a personal relationship with God.  Some may even doubt the existence of God.  I respect your beliefs or lack thereof, but today's topic about the destructive tendencies of one of our smallest body parts, the tongue, when the mind has it flapping out of control and saying too much, I cannot but acknowledge the reality that something so powerfully destructive needs something even more powerful to control it.  That's why I could not leave this topic without expressing my personal conviction that controlling the tongue requires Divine help.