How Associations can Affect our Ethics

I would like to start with a confession.  Today's topic is difficult.  I mean, really difficult.  Not that the others haven't been; it's just that today's challenge taken to the extreme by the actions we take, may cause more harm than any good that would come if we did nothing.
 
Have you ever been around a group of co-workers, neighbors, friends, family, or even on-line with Facebook friends who are in the midst of what you would consider an inappropriate conversation or Facebook posts?  How do you react to it?  In my opinion, an extreme reaction would be to abruptly turn and leave, or even worse, taking it on yourself to try and correct the entire group.  If you overreact either way, you are likely to be labeled "holier than thou", "goody two shoes" or worse.  Or, do you continue the associations and continue to do nothing, allowing your ethical standards to be compromised?  What should you do when faced with those situations that are offensive to you, or you deem to be inappropriate?

Let's start by looking at a verse from the New Testament book of I Corinthians.  It helps to lay the foundation for today's topic.  We want to first look at why we sometimes compromise our Ethical Standards.  Next, I want us to look at principles from the Book of Proverbs on how to develop the right associations with people to keep us from compromising our Ethics.  Lastly, I want to see how we can avoid the damage caused if we overreact.

I Corinthians 15:33, "Do not be misled:  bad company corrupts good character." (NIV, ©1984)

In other translations, the word "character" is changed to morals or manners, so the verse is saying that, "bad company corrupts good morals or bad company corrupts good manners."  To understand that morals, manners and character are referring to the same thing, we should look at the original word used when the text was first written in Greek.  The Greek word is "ethos".  For you that are regular readers of this blog, you probably already know the English translation of the Greek word ethos.  It is the word Ethics.  If we use the English equivalent of the original Greek word, the verse is saying that "bad company corrupts good ethics."  That helps answer our first point as to why we sometimes or maybe often compromise our Ethics.  It is caused by how we are influenced by the company we keep.

Let's now consider these verses on why and how we should develop the right associations from the Book of Proverbs.

Proverbs 12:26, "The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray."

Proverbs 13:20, "He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed."

Proverbs 20:19, "He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets:  therefore do not associate with one who flatters with his lips."

Proverbs 24:1-2, "Do not be envious of evil men, nor desire to be with them; for their heart devises violence, and their lips talk of troublemaking."

The first way to go about developing the right associations is to "choose your friends carefully."  We've already seen what happens when we choose the wrong associations; it will ultimately deteriorate your ethical principles.  Who are your friends, your business associates, and the people you hang around with?  Make sure you choose your associations carefully.

A good group to choose your associations from is people who are characterized as "wise men".  Hang around with people who are smarter, of sounder moral character and those who are wiser, and guess what?   It will start rubbing off on you.  Hanging with people of wisdom will expand you intellectually, challenge you to be better morally and will help you grow not just in knowledge, but in wisdom also.

The next verse in our texts from Proverbs tells us how to spot the kind of person we should not have a deep association with.  Watch out for people who always want to flatter you.  People like this usually talk too much.  They get so preoccupied praising you and others that they can easily start revealing confidential things that you or others have shared with them.
 
Notice the last group to avoid; those classified as evil men.  Isn't it ironic that we too often are envious of those who are evil or wicked?  Watch out for their scheming, troublemaking ways.  Bad company will corrupt good ethics.

Finally, when we recognize the bad company, those that will corrupt us, lead us astray, and ultimately could destroy us, how do we react to their conversations, avoid their associations, unfriend them on Facebook and yet still maintain a working, friend, or family relationship with them without offending them?

1. Avoid Group Confrontations - If you walk up on, or are involved with a discussion in a group setting that you find inappropriate, that is not the time to take a stand and abruptly walkaway or say something.  You will lose in that situation.  What would be gained?  Absolutely nothing.  If you do, try having a follow up conversation at a later time when you've offended people in a setting like this; you will discover how damaging your response was. The best approach is to sit politely and find an opportunity when you can to quietly excuse yourself.
2. Make the Right Connections - As the verse says, choose your friends carefully. 
3. Have a Private Conversation - If you reach a point when you feel you must say something to someone you know is causing you to compromise your ethics, speak with them privately about it.  Don't judge them for their behavior.  Remember it may be wrong only in your eyes.  Be cordial and compassionate when you speak.  When said appropriately, you should still be able to be friends, and you will oftentimes be respected even more for clearly defining your convictions.

Was I able to convey why this topic was so difficult for me?  As clearly as bad company corrupts good ethics, choosing to "straighten out people" who behave inappropriately causes damage too.  Sometimes that kind of damage is irrevocable.